Having a stabbing pain in the middle of your chest? Can’t find a way to stop your flooding tears? Now will you ever be able to unbreak your heart and bring back the pieces of your shattered soul? And your peace? And your happiness? Of course, you will. But who could be so cruel to snatch it all away from you? A loved one? Or the most loved one?
Well…Isn’t it ironical that the ones we love the most break our hearts the most? Depressive, but true. Each one of us suffers from a heartbreak at one time or the other in our lives then be it from rejection, betrayal, breakup, divorce or the death of a loved one. Heart rarely makes out the difference between the demise of a loved one or a breakup as for the poor heart, an ended relationship is just like death if you really had true feelings for the other person. It grumbles and grieves for a long, long passage of time unaware of the long-term negative consequences it casts on its own body.
These feelings of despair, hopelessness and an eerie emptiness overpower your heart and even the simplest of tasks like bathing, brushing, combing hair or changing into fresh clothes every day become a herculean toil for you which further make you feel like even a bigger failure as you lose the sense of control over your life. Owing to the unmanageable stress, you may either overeat or not eat at all, you may either lie in bed all day or keep working till the doomsday arrives but you will hardly be able to maintain any balance in your life. After all, you have lost a part of your soul.
All day and all night, you keep yearning for your lover’s company wondering what exactly went wrong? You wish you could go back and rewrite your destiny. But Destiny is written by our stars, isn’t it? So replaying the agonizing scenarios over and again in your mind leads to nothing other than trauma. So stop it! Yes, stop it right now. Don’t kill yourself over someone who didn’t consider you important enough to sit with and find a solution to the mess you both were going through. Let him go. God must have a better option for you though you may not believe it now but time will definitely reveal the truth to you.
If you continue to burn your soul in the memories of the past, you may never be able to revert to your normal healthy self. Research has also revealed that a person whose heart has been smashed by the object of his true love tends to harbor continuous thoughts of longing, guilt, helplessness and even suicide in his mind as life becomes barren and loses all meaning for him and soon, he suffers from diseases such as depression, fibromyalgia, migraine, chronic pain, obesity, malnutrition, insomnia, Alzheimer’s, amnesia and broken heart syndrome which can even result in a sudden death. What’s more, he also adopts certain self-destructive behaviors like gambling, drinking, and even uses drugs or sleeping pills to tranquilize his wavering mind, crushed soul and devastated heart.
So don’t lose your precious hours in fretting and fuming, my sweetheart! Fate is not your enemy and by no means, it’s striking you only. It happens to the wisest of us. We all go through enormous heartache when we lose the one we love. But you have been brave, haven’t you? At least you dared to love and put yourself out there in the perilous meadows of passionate romance. Yes, you gave your heart to another and let him do anything he liked with it. Indeed, love makes us quite vulnerable and if it can bring extreme joy, it is also capable of lashing extreme pain. But isn’t that how life goes on for all? Yes, it does. It definitely does.
Let me tell you about one of my clients, Hazel, who had gotten married to the man with whom she had had a relationship for a long span of five years. However, when she gave birth to her second child, her husband left her for another woman. She was totally traumatized as she had never seen it coming. He had always been completely devoted to her but somehow, he had got seduced by the hot new girl in his office who was ten years younger to him. Samantha felt helpless and totally worthless. It was the end of the world for her but the innocent faces of her two children cajoled her into surviving this hard blow. Nonetheless, she couldn’t manage a thing on her own as depression had built its home in her heart and soul. That’s when she approached me and together, we set out on a journey of regaining her peace and happiness back. Of course, it took time but after following a few rituals and practices religiously, she slowly reclaimed her confidence and overcame her depression. Presently, she’s living a contented life with her new husband and kids in California.
The way she bounced back from the biggest crisis of her life is an inspiration to many. You can also bounce back, my darling, from the hurt which has overtaken your being. I know life hasn’t been fair to you. But it’s not fair to anyone at all. We all go through the same struggles, the same heartbreaks, and the same depressive disorders. That’s a part of human life! But still, I would say that all the fragments of a human soul are totally made of love, they are made to love and they are made for loving all only. How colorless does life become when we have no one to share our love with! And when the person we put up on the pedestal of God smashes our heart, all the colors of this rainbow-like world appear to be as black as coal and our aura gets drenched in a sea of bleak darkness from where no one can cull us out ever.
Except love.
Yes, love is the only panacea to all your woes though I totally agree that the agony you are going through right now has also been caused by love. But let me tell you one more thing – love is not love which keeps someone bound to you. Love rejoices in just loving, not in possessing. If you love him but he feels happier alone or with someone else, let him go. Fulfill his wish – not to make him realize what life would be like without you, or with revengeful feelings, or by cursing him – no, let him go with love and peace. If you fell in love with someone else and your partner didn’t understand you, then?
See, we all have a right to choose our partners and if our needs continue to be fulfilled in a relationship, we stick around but the day we start sensing that someone else is better for us, staying in that relationship becomes difficult and carrying on with that person is just like uselessly trying to drag a cart with thousands of quintals of goods. No relation in this world can be fruitful if it is forced. And feelings of a person can definitely change with time. Of course, commitment has its own duties but still, the human heart believes in moving onto the next best thing which shows a promise of a better and a happier life. Moreover, with the advent of a plethora of social media and dating apps, there are a million choices and moving on has become breathtakingly easy.
Or has it become dangerously difficult? Well…everybody loves to post pictures on social media nowadays and tell the world what is happening in their lives. And if you continue to scroll through your ex’s pictures all day long, how will you gain your sanity back? You may think that looking at his pictures gives you relief but actually, you are just prolonging the grieving process. Right now, you are emotionally devastated. Your pain is paralyzing. And going through all their pictures will never let you move on truly. You will remain stuck with them, in their world. So delete all the social media apps and stay away from that phone as you may also feel like calling him repeatedly, but you must not. Control yourself. Have some dignity.
On the contrary, you may have been blocked as well by your ex for contacting him repetitively. Then seeing his empty profile picture or not being able to locate him at all on social media would stab your heart like knives piercing through your flesh. So its better to be patient and accept the rejection gracefully. Have faith in the universe. Have faith in God. He has better plans for you. And He has better plans for your ex too. If this relationship was meant to be, he will come back for sure but if it isn’t, then trust the process. Learn your lessons and move on. Cry if you want, sulk if you can’t help it. But bounce back soon. Just don’t keep sitting there. Do something.
Above all, fill your heart with love again as love is the only path to find true love and real joy in this harsh, harsh world. Without love, the human soul cannot survive. But this time, let this love be the love of God, the love of Nature, the love of your guardian angels, the love of your own self, the love of your family, the love of your mom, the love of your dad, the love of your most cherished friends, the love of your long-forgotten mentors, the love of a pet, the love of your passion, the love of your dreams, the love of fitness, the love of being your best, the love of rising to supersonic heights, the love of attaining all your goals, the love of filling up your life with happiness, and the love of building the most successful life anyone can ever imagine in this universe.
And don’t you dare doubt yourself, my love. You have a great caliber and you can definitely achieve anything you set your heart to. Just start with baby steps. Then slowly build momentum as time passes by and your wounds will start healing. Don’t push yourself too much. Relax and have fun while building the life of your dreams. Now don’t say that my dreams are filled only with my ex’s love. They are not, my darling. You may not realize now but you have a life and a dream of your own too. Find it if you don’t know anything about it. Search for your true dreams and then use all your energy in accomplishing them. No doubt, the process is going to be tough. But isn’t crying all day also tough?
The emotional pain you are feeling right now has taken the shape of physical pain also, hasn’t it? And if luckily, it hasn’t. It soon will. Grieving depletes you of all your energy, be it mental or physical. So its time to take charge of your life and move forth with determination. You need to heal yourself by dealing with all the underlying issues that trouble you. Your first instinct maybe to run away from all this pain though it will irrefutably be a futile attempt. This pain will go with you everywhere unless and until you sit with it, make friends with it and learn to live with it. Because the pain of losing a loved one, either a friend, a lover or a spouse will haunt you forever. You just have to learn to become a witness of your ex’s memories and see him come and go in the fields of your mind, or perhaps his memories stay with you at all times. Then accept it and let it be. Imagine him with you at all times, if you can’t help it, but why be angry and sad when he’s always around you?
You may not realize but this is also a sign of you having a relationship with him on some other plane, in some other world. Be happy always and don’t be needy for him. Laugh with him in your mind as if he never left you. You never know the universe may bless you again with his love and affection. Be assured that all things will work out in your best interest. Just stop grumbling and revel in whatever life is throwing at you. Laugh, have fun, love all and above all, be grateful to The Holy One for all his blessings. You are his child and he’ll never let harm come upon you. Pray to him daily and all your prayers shall be answered and even if they aren’t, you will be blessed with the wisdom to know why they weren’t. The scriptures say,
‘So do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.’
Amen!
Tanu Grover is an Indian author, poet, English language educator and a happiness coach. She loves to spread messages of humanity. She helps people in overcoming their problems and rising high in life.
